Antics
by Strawberrywaltz
Summary: A collection of one shots featuring the Avengers when they aren't saving the world. Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, and maybe a little Adventure. Chapter Two/Three: Certain events lead Bruce and Tony to believe that Clint has been somehow turned into an actual hawk.
1. Alibis and Lying Eyes

_Summery: Tony commits murder and gets Clint to help him hide the evidence. Not a death fic. A mixture of horror, humor and friendship, but mostly humor._

* * *

Tony's heart pounded painfully against his ribs as he stared down at the bloody knife in his shaky hand.

"What did you do?"

The shocked voice drew Tony's eyes up to meet Clint's stormy gaze. The Shield agent stood at the mouth of the alleyway the city was quiet behind him. Somewhere out of sight a street lamp flickered which made the situation feel more like a horror movie then real life.

They were in the city, it was nighttime and somebody was dead. Tony looked back down at the stained knife in his hand.

"I didn't do anything," Tony rasped out.

Clint pointed down towards Tony's feet. "Steve's body says otherwise."

Down by his feet Steve lay on his back, blank eyes iced over with death still stared accusingly up at the billionaire. The color in Steve's face drained slowly as his body began to cool. Multiple stab wounds littered the Captain's broad chest, some still sluggishly leaked blood that dyed Steve's blue shirt a rusty brown color.

"Oh my God," Tony dropped the knife, cradling his hand close as if the handle of the weapon had burned him. "I didn't do that. Clint, you have to believe me! I didn't kill Steve."

"Tony, you _literally_ have his blood on your hands." Clint motioned towards the knife. "You were holding the murder weapon standing over the body!"

"I didn't – I didn't do this!" Tony pleaded, "You have to help me! I won't do well in jail. I mean look at me, this face? It's too pretty – I'm too pretty for jail, Clint! Not to mention I put half of those SOB's in there, they'll have a field day with pay back! I'm screwed – I'm so screwed!"

Clint looked from Tony's panicked expression, down to Steve's dead body, over to the bloody knife on the ground, and returned his calculating stare to Tony. "Okay – okay, look I'll help you." With a sharp breath Clint nodded to himself and continued, "You'll have to do everything I tell you to do, okay?"

"Yes, anything – I'll do anything you ask, just please help me." Tony agreed quickly, stepping a little closer to Clint and further from the empty shell that used to be Steve. "What do we do?"

"First we need to get rid of his body. Best to burn it." Clint sighed as he knelt down on one knee next to Steve's motionless body. With a deep frown the agent reached over to close the dead man's eyes. "I have to ask, Tony, what happened? I mean I know you two didn't always get along, but why the hell did you kill him?"

Tony froze, unsure of his answer. "I don't remember what happened. The knife was just in my hand and then you came – wait." A thought dawned on the billionaire. "Wait, why are you even here? Oh my God, did you kill him?" Things started clicking together in Tony's mind as he stared down at Clint and Steve.

"What are you talking about? You texted me to meet you here." Clint glared back up at Tony.

"The hell I did!" Tony shot back moving away from Clint. The Shield agent could have easily drugged him and somehow planted the murder weapon in his hand. It all made sense! Clint had all the resources necessary to –

"Uh, yes you did." Clint reached around his back and Tony dove for cover behind a dumpster. This was it – Tony thought as he curled into a ball behind the dumpster – this was how the amazing Ironman would die. Clint would shoot him in the head and burn both bodies to cover up the evidence.

Quiet footsteps stopped directly in front of his hiding spot. Tony looked up into Clint's un-amused expression. "Calm down you idiot, I was just getting my cell phone." The agent held the small device out to Tony.

Hesitantly Tony took the cell phone and silently read the words written on the screen. "Huh, so I did text you." The billionaire frowned before looking back up at Clint. "So, you really didn't kill Steve?"

"Nope." Clint held out his hand to help Tony up. "What's the last thing you do remember?"

After a moment of consideration Tony answered. "Steve and I were at the tower – " And just like that a light bulb turned on in his head. "Oh, he killed my big screen! The idiot thought it would be a good idea cleaning it with Windex. Un-believable."

"He killed the TV, so you killed him?" Clint asked slowly, voice lined with disgust. "Couldn't you have bought another one? You are a millionaire!"

"Billionaire." Tony corrected, pointing a finger at Clint's chest. "And I'll have you know I loved that TV. It died before its time."

"So your first reaction was to kill Steve?" Clint narrowed his eyes accusingly.

Tony shook his head. "I don't know! The next thing I remember is the knife in my hand. I blacked out or something, I don't remember a thing."

"How very Velma Kelly of you." Clint sighed with a glance back in Steve's direction. "We need to move the body before someone decides to take a piss back here."

Tony's eyes widened with surprise. "Did you just make a Chicago movie reference?"

Clint blinked. "Yeah, why?"

The billionaire shook his head. "Just didn't peg you for the musical loving type."

"Yeah well, I didn't peg you for the murderer type, yet here we are." Clint showcased the alleyway with his hands as he moved back to Steve's dead body. "Okay, so we need to get rid of the body and all the evidence. We could burn it here but I think we should move everything outside the city. We need a way to transport the body."

"Jarvis!" Tony snapped his fingers excitedly. "I'll get him to send us a car."

"Idiot, we can't do that." Clint shook his head, "We can't use anything that can be linked back to us. Look, you wrap up the body, I'll get us a car."

"Wait a minute, wrap it up with what?" Tony grabbed the Shield agent's arm, keeping Clint from leaving the alley.

"I don't care what you use, figure it out." Clint growled. "Get creative – you're supposed to be a genius right?"

"Of course I'm a genius!" Tony shouted, but quickly backed down and hugged his arms protectively over his chest. "Where are you going to get a car?"

"I'm going to steal one." Clint announced as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Look, I'll be back soon. Get this done!"

* * *

"So I wrapped up your body in old trash bags I found in the dumpster," Tony told Steve and Clint. The three boys were lounging in the Tower when Tony decided to share a rather disturbing dream he'd had about them.

Barton and the Captain had twin looks of shock and horror as Tony continued – the billionaire's voice way too excited for the subject of the dream. "Clint came back with a truck he boosted and we took Steve's body to this real secluded place and then we got naked."

"What?" Steve and Clint yelped at the same time, tensing uncomfortably as Tony continued.

* * *

"Take off your clothes." Clint announced as he stripped out of his own blood stained shirt.

"What? Why?" Tony asked, "This is an Armani shirt, Pepper gave it to me for – "

"Tony, I don't give a damn. Take off your clothes, we have to burn everything together." Clint snapped. "I'm a part of this now. If you go down, I go down. And I'm not about to go down for this."

* * *

"We stood there in our boxers as everything went up in flames." Tony grinned enthusiastically as Steve and Clint stared slack jawed at him.

Suddenly the smile was gone and Tony turned surprisingly serious.

"That's when I had a minor panic attack and totally Clint overreacted."

* * *

"This isn't going to work. Someone is going to link something back to me – to us!" Tony gasped, near hyperventilation. "We are going to jail, Clint! You might do well in jail, even own it, but I'm going to end up as someone's bitch. Don't let me become someone's bitch!"

"Tony, the only way we could end up in jail is if you tell someone what happened." Clint hissed. "Are you going to tell someone what happened?"

"No, I – I won't tell anyone. But, but – " the billionaire paced back and forth as he stammered. "I can't go to jail, Clint, I can't." Tony whined.

"Listen to me, Stark. I didn't just help you get rid of evidence for you to give everything away with your eyes!"

"My eyes?" Tony touched his face defensively. "What does that mean? You want to burn my eyes too?"

Clint glared, "We might have to. If someone looks at you wrong you'll give everything away. Let alone if they question you about the last time you saw Steve. Your eyes will give everything away." With a sigh Clint reached behind his back and pulled out a spoon. "I'm sorry about this, Tony, but they have to go."

"Wait?" Tony held up his hands to pause the situation. "Where did you pull that out of, your boxers? First of all that is so far from sanitary it isn't even funny. Secondly, what would possess you to carry around an eating utensil like that anyway?"

Clint took a step forward and cold realization washed over Tony.

"Wait Clint, no! I didn't mean that as an insult! Of course you would carry a spoon around. Who knows when you'll get the opportunity to eat cereal, right?" Tony screamed. "Clint you've got to be joking – you already took my shirt! Anything but the eyes! Come on man, no, nooooo!"

* * *

"That's when I woke up." Tony smiled broadly and popped a potato chip into his mouth.

The pause that followed was awkward, only broken by the sound of Tony's loud chewing.

"I'm not sure what I find more disturbing," Steve leaned back on the couch. "The fact that you dreamed about murdering me or the fact that you retold the dream with such detail."

Tony laughed evilly. "What can I say? I tell a good story!"

Clint smirked. "Your twisted mind did get one thing right."

"Oh yeah?" Tony snickered as he stuffed another chip in his mouth and crunched down with his teeth.

"I have seen Chicago." Clint admitted with a wicked grin.

Both Tony and Steve stared back at the Shield agent. "You're not serious. You've missed almost every iconic movie to hit the theaters but you've seen a musical about a murderous woman?"

"Hell yeah," Clint stood with a stretch. "The Cell Block Tango was hot. I'm hungry, let's go eat."

"I'm feeling some Italian," Tony announced, standing with Clint. "What do you say, Captain?"

Steve stared up at them, still shell shocked from what he'd heard. "You had a dream you killed me over the TV."

"Well, I really did love that TV." Tony defended himself. "And you made the mistake of letting me go to bed angry."

Clint snickered from the sidelines. "Come on boys, hug it out and move on."

"I'm not hugging him." Tony held up his hands defensively.

"I don't want to hug Tony either." Steve made a face at Clint.

"Fine, lets go eat." The Captain agreed with a huff, standing to join his teammates. "But I get to pick the restaurant. After all Tony killed me and Clint, you helped bury the evidence."

"For the record," Clint frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. "I have no control over what I do in Tony's twisted mind."

"And you really did kill my TV, I only fantasized about killing you." Tony pointed out.

"Doesn't matter." Steve slapped their backs and walked towards the elevator. "We're getting burgers."

Clint and Tony glanced at each other with twin shrugs.

"We can live with that."

* * *

_So, this was born from driving in traffic…listening to "Left With Alibis and Lying Eyes" by Emery – my favorite band. _

_Hope you got some laughs out of it ^^_

_Thanks for reading! _

_Reviews are always appreciated! _


	2. The Hawk Incident: Part One

The Hawk Incident: _Certain events lead Bruce and Tony to believe that Clint has been somehow turned into an actually hawk._

_Hey guys, so I needed a break from my story _Riot_ and decided to add another story to my one shot story "Alibis and Lying Eyes" and continue on with the humor. ^^ Thus Antic's was born…so my wild friendship stories will be posted here together. _

_Hope you enjoy! _

* * *

The Hawk Incident: Part One

It was quiet in the Avenger's Tower. Something that was rare.

Captain America and Natasha were both off on solo missions. Thor had gone back to his home planet to visit his mother for the Asgardian version of mother's day. Only Bruce, Clint and Tony remained at the tower.

Typically the trio together had the potential of being loud enough to make up for the loss of their teammates. However SHIELD had asked the Science Brother's to create some new technology and when the boys started working on a project they basically lived out of the labs.

Clint had just gotten back from a mission gone wrong. Arm in a sling, paler than one would consider healthy and plagued with a terrible sounding cough Barton shrugged off his teammates concern – as always.

Apparently the archer's mission had been high class – special ops – or whatever. Bruce and Tony didn't have the clearance required to read the mission report and Barton was less than open with the details.

Bruce made sure to check on Clint's condition from time to time, but for the most part he gave the man space to heal. Tony was a little harder to pull away from questioning the injured man to death, but Bruce was a patient individual. He had to be – considering his condition.

"I think we've hit a wall." Banner announced as he pulled off his glasses with one hand and rubbed at his eyes with the other.

"Bruce, I've hit a wall before." Tony smirked as he leaned back on his stool. "Trust me when I say it's more painful than being unable to work out a complex algorithm – even in a metal suit."

With a huff Banner picked up and slipped his glasses back on. "I didn't mean that literally, Tony."

"Yeah," Tony sighed out the word playfully. "Yet I still took it that way." The billionaire smile was annoyingly bright.

With a roll of his eyes Bruce grunted and stood with a stretch. "Well, I'm taking a break." He informed his friend before heading towards the lab's door.

"I'll join you." Tony chuckled lightly as he jumped up from his chair and hurried after his partner in crime. The two had worked most of the day and despite his cheerfulness Tony was exhausted mentally. A break with food sounded like a good plan.

The two scientists took the elevator up to the main floor and flooded out onto the previously empty kitchen.

"Huh, wonder where Barton is." Bruce commented seeing the area empty. Clint was under strict orders not to shoot his bow, or do anything else SHIELD considered strenuous.

"I don't." Tony responded bluntly with a shrug.

Banner eyed his friend sharply. "You have to admit, Clint is a bit of a mystery."

"He may mysterious, but the guy is predictable." Tony shot back smugly. "I bet you ten bucks he's on the roof."

Bruce rolled his eyes. Tony could be seriously full of himself sometimes. Bruce sighed and glanced at Tony's outstretched hand in silent debate. Even if Stark was sure he was right, Clint had the tendency to prove everybody wrong. With that thought in mind Banner slapped Tony's outstretched hand. "You're on."

The dynamic duo abandoned the kitchen and headed up towards the roof. Barton favored the area the second he moved into the Avenger's Tower. It might as well have been the hawk's number one 'nest' – although the man had several others within the tower.

"Barton!" Tony called out as they exited the door.

Bruce's eyes immediately fell on a small figure on the roof's patio and he nudged Tony. "Hey, check that out."

"What is it?" The billionaire asked as they approached slowly.

Banner frowned lightly as he got a better look at the poor little animal. "I think it's a hawk. It's small, must be a young one." The little bird had spotted stomach and brown wings. The creature's dark eyes watched the two men as they approached, but it was slow to move.

"You're shitting me," Tony shook his head. "An actual hawk is crashing Hawkeye's nest? For shame. Where is Clint? Shouldn't he be defending his territory or something?"

"I think it's injured." Bruce commented lightly as he lowered himself to his kneels next to the helpless animal. The hawk's wings fluttered a little as the bird tried to scramble away from the humans. One wing was bent oddly, uncooperative.

"The irony continues." The billionaire deadpanned looking over Bruce's shoulder. "How bad is it hurt?"

"I'm no vet." The little bird squawked unhappily as Bruce picked it up. "Wing looks pretty messed up, though." The hawk struggled and wiggled in the doctor's gentle grasp before it stopped and let out a pained squeak.

"Kind of like Clint's ar – " Tony's sarcasm halted as a look of contemplation fell over his expression. A long pause followed, but finally the scientists exchanged sharp looks of horror.

"You don't seriously think – " Once again Stark found himself unable to finish his sentence. "No. Not possible."

With a hard stare at the creature in his hands, Bruce's eyes widened. "Well, weirder things have happen." He offered lightly. While Bruce had hoped Barton would surprise them this hadn't been exactly what he wanted. "I mean, we fight science and magic and alien creatures almost daily. This honestly isn't all that unbelievable." Bruce shook his head. "Well it is, but it isn't, you know?"

"I'm sorry," Tony shook his head with a negative wave of his hand. "There is no freaking way Barton somehow got himself turned into an actual hawk. He probably snuck down to the range. This all has to be coincidence. Jarvis!" Tony pulled out his cell phone. Jarvis had no connections out on the roof. "Locate Clint for us."

"Sir, Agent Barton is currently not in the Tower. Would you like me to notify you upon his return?"

At the AI's response Tony winced and shared another look with Bruce. "That won't be necessary, we think we have an idea of what might have happened." Without another word, Tony shut the phone and shoved it back into his pant's pocket.

Both scientists returned their attention to the little creature in Bruce's hands.

With a sigh Tony pointed a finger at the bird. "So the big question here is, how the hell did this happen?"

"I'd say the bigger question is, how the hell do we turn him back?" Bruce winced deeply as he stood. The small hawk struggled once again in the scientist's hands. "Shh, hey, you're okay." Bruce muttered softly to the frightened animal.

Tony moved closer for a better look at the injured bird – or rather his friend. "Do you think it – I mean he – can understand us?"

With a shrug Bruce kept his eyes on the little hawk. "I don't know. Maybe you should try, uh, talking to him? See if we get a Hawkeye like response."

Tony looked un-amused. "A Hawkeye like response? What exactly would that look like?"

Banner shrugged. "I don't really know. Birds aren't really known for their clear use of sarcasm."

"Our Hawk is," Tony brightened. "Clint will find a way, won't you?" The last bit was directed towards the animal. Tony winced slightly as he realized he just 'baby talked' his best friend. Yes, Clint made a rather adorable bird, but still.

The hawk just stared blankly back up at the billionaire. Its dark eyes were slightly unnerving. "See? That's totally a Hawkeye like glare." Tony told Bruce.

"Okay, let's bring him inside." Bruce eyed the ledge of the building nervously. The bird's wing was messed up – even if Barton could figure out how to fly, he wouldn't be able to stop a rapid and deadly decent to the streets below. "We need to figure out what happened and I think we should do something about his wing."

Tony nodded and motioned towards the door. "Hey, does this mean I win the bet? I mean Clint was on the roof."

Bruce glared. "I think we have bigger problems now than a stupid bet."

"But I did win, right?" Tony insisted.

With a roll of his eyes Bruce sighed. "Sure, you won."

"Yes!" The billionaire pumped his fist in the air and practically skipped the rest of the way to the door to hold it open for Bruce and his precious cargo.

"You do realize you're rich, right? Ten bucks is nothing to you." Bruce grumbled as he walked through the door, eyes focused on Clint's bird form.

"It's not about the money, dear Brucey," Tony slapped Bruce on his shoulder as he passed by. The action nearly caused the doctor to lose his grip on the hawk. "It's about me being more awesome than you."

Once Bruce readjusted his grip on Hawkeye, who had doubled his efforts to get free since they left the roof, the doctor glared at Tony once more. "Perhaps you should try and focus you're awesomeness into fixing Clint."

Tony nodded with a lazy shrug. "Well obviously. Natasha will not be pleased if she comes home only to find Feather's is now literally a bird." He sighed and punched his thumb against the button to summon the elevator. "How exactly are we going to fix this, though? We don't even know how it – "

"Shit!" Bruce swore suddenly and unceremoniously dropped the hawk.

"What the – ?" Tony gasped as he watched Hawkeye flap around for a moment until he realized he should try to stop the bird.

"He bit me!" Bruce hissed, the words muffled around the thumb shoved in his mouth. "Don't just stand there, grab him!"

"You dropped him, you grab him!" Stark shouted back, bent low as he tried to corner the injured hawk. The bird floundered around in his attempt to escape. "I don't want to hurt you Clint." Tony held his hands out in front of him as the hawk turned its beady eyes onto the billionaire.

"That's right," Stark muttered calmly, hands out cautiously in front of him as he made his approach. "I'm not going to hurt you – just stay _still_!"

As Tony dove for Clint just as the hawk let out a battle cry of it's own and sprung forward. As Stark reached his hands out to close them around the bird's body, the bird skillfully dodged the billionaire's efforts and hopped onto Tony's head and took off in wobbly flight – straight into an open vent.

* * *

_The second half is coming soonish. ^^_

_I think I'll take prompts for this series of one-shots, so if you have a craving for something PM me and I'll see if I can help you out. Else whenever I think of something entertaining I will write it and post it here ^^_

_Now I'm going to refocus on Riot. Have a wonderful weekend! _

_Remember Reviews are seeds of inspiration. Plant flowers! _


	3. The Hawk Incident: Part Two

_This was on my other computer, I forgot all about it until recently when I got some reviews ^^ THANKS GUYS! If you hadn't reviewed, I wouldn't have remembered…_

_Hope you enjoy! _

The Hawk Incident: Part Two

* * *

"You have got to be kidding me!" Banner shouted as he tripped towards the wall. He caught himself against the plaster and stood looking up at the open vent. This could not be happening. It seriously couldn't. They had managed to lose Clint, who was not only injured but currently a _bird_.

Unfortunately because of Clint's odd obsession with hiding in the ventilation system, most of the vents were left open for him to have easy access. Bruce had never really given it a second thought before this moment. Now, however, the doctor regretted making things easy for Barton to distance himself from others.

The two scientists could hear the distant sounds of franticly fluttering of wings and dull metallic thuds as Hawkeye made his escape from their captivity.

"Well, its official." Tony grumbled as he picked himself up from the ground and brushed off invisible flakes of dust from his shirt. "That is _definitely_ Clint. Only Barton would use the air vents as a viable escape route."

"He clearly doesn't understand we're trying to help." Banner sighed before sticking his throbbing finger back into his mouth. "Go in there after him."

Stark turned his eyes from the vent to Bruce. "What? No way! You crawl in there. You're the one who dropped him!"

"He bit me!" Banner hissed back as he revealed his red and swollen thumb.

"So you keep saying!" Tony shouted back defiantly.

A bit of green flashed in Bruce's eyes as he growled an un-human growl. "I don't think you want me crawling around in small spaces right now. That is, unless you were planning on redecorating your tower. Again."

The billionaire snorted, but deflated as he sighed in acceptance. "Fine, give me a boost."

After several awkward and failed attempts, Bruce finally pushed Stark up into the vents. "Ugh, Clint makes this look so easy." Gracelessly Tony inched his way after the wayward hawk. "Damn it, how did Barton get so far in front of me? He's freaking injured!"

"Well, he is considerably smaller than you are." Bruce's faint voice pointed out from the opening located somewhere behind the billionaire.

Tony stopped in his tracks and glanced over his shoulder. "Did you seriously just call me fat?"

There was a long pause.

"No." Banner denied finally, not sounding sincere.

"I think you just totally just called me fat!" Stark complained loudly.

"Tony, Clint's getting away!" Banner's voice drifted up through the opening.

With a grunt and a frustrated sigh, Tony continued to army crawl through the vent. "This is so not over." He grumbled to himself.

"You won the bet," Bruce called out again, a chuckle laced his words. "Just keep telling yourself you're still getting ten dollars."

"Next time, you're crawling after Clint." Stark shot back as he turned around a corner.

Bruce snorted. "Okay Tony," Banner deadpanned. "The next time Clint is mysteriously turned into an actual hawk and escapes into the vents, I will crawl in after him."

Stark continued to grumble to himself as he soldiered forward. Moving further away from Bruce and his exit. After what felt like forever crawling in the claustrophobic space, Tony made one final turn and came face to face with the hawk's beady glare.

"There you are, you little bastard." Tony's own eyes narrowed in a calculated way.

"Now, we can either do this the easy way – " Before Tony could finish the rather cliché statement the bird lunged forward and bit Stark right on his nose.

A scream echoed throughout the vents back to where Bruce stood.

"Tony?" The doctor asked timidly as he listened to what sounded like an intense and violent battle happening somewhere above him and out of sight. There was no reply, just more grunts, squawks and growls. The loud and somewhat disturbing noises of the fight between man and bird continued for a minute longer before everything became eerily silent.

"Tony?" Bruce repeated, a little more desperate.

"I got him!" Tony's disembodied voice floated back through the mouth of the vent.

"Okay," Bruce closed his eyes and let out the breath he had been holding. "Okay, wanna come back and join me, then?"

"Working on it." Came the strained reply. Twenty minutes later Tony emerged from the vent backwards with the small hawk in hand.

Bruce barely held back his snicker. There were angry red scratches all over the billionaire's face – his nose was twice its normal size and deep shade of red.

"This," Tony gestured to his face while still holding the struggling hawk firmly in his hands. "Is not funny, Banner." The billionaire shot a deadly glare towards his friend.

"Oh, but it is." Bruce laughed more openly. "Remind me to high five Clint when we turn him back into a human. You know, so he has hands." Still laughing Bruce pulled out his iphone and took a snapshot of Tony and hawk-Clint.

"I don't know," Tony growled with a dramatic roll of his eyes. His tone was a bitter with the promise of revenge. "You could try high fiving his talons, Hawkeye is quite good at using them."

"I noticed." Bruce shied away from the vicious little hawk when Tony lifted the animal closer to the doctor's face. "However, I'd rather my hands not end up looking like your face."

"Ha freaking haha." Tony deadpanned with a shaper glare as Banner press the button for the elevator.

The ding signaled the elevator's arrival and the doors parted. The two scientists and their captive hawk traveled down to the main level.

"We need to find a safe place for our feathered friend." Tony announced with a glare fixed on the still struggling animal. "Does he ever give up?"

"Tony, it's Clint Barton." Banner smirked. "He never learned the definition of 'giving up.'"

"There has never been a truer statement." The billionaire agreed and held up the hawk again. "All right, what are we going to do with him? I for one don't want to keep this ticking time bomb in my hand."

Bruce snickered again. "What, is Ironman afraid of a little hawk?" The good doctor mocked playfully in a baby-talk tone.

The billionaire's eyes narrowed sharply. "This is not just any hawk, this is a master assassin hawk, thank you very much." Tony huffed defensively, pointedly holding the Hawk as far away from his body as possible. "If I agree that I am slightly afraid of his skilled use of talons, can you please come up with a solution?"

The two stared at one another, Clint struggling in Tony's hands as they thought of a safe place to store the archer until he could be cured.

Finally Bruce shook his head. "Well, unless you have a birdcage lying around the tower I don't see – "

"I've got an idea," Tony suddenly interrupted his human companion. "It just might work too!" Stark held Clint out to Bruce. "You take him."

"Yeah, that worked out so well last time." Bruce glared, backing away from Stark and the angry bird. "Look," the doctor settled on compromising. He wasn't about to touch the hawk again. Not unless it was absolutely necessary. "It shouldn't be too hard to find something to stick him in." Bruce backed up a step further. "A box with holes would even work."

"Wait," Tony's straightened up a bit. If this were a cartoon, Bruce would imagine a light bulb would be turning on above the genius's head. "I do have a birdcage. Or rather Pepper does. I got her a canary a year ago. I think the cage is still in the back of her closet. It's kind of small, but it should work for now."

The new information caused Bruce to frown pensively. "Should I be afraid to ask what happened to the canary?"

"Uh, maybe. I honestly don't actually know." Tony dropped a shoulder casually. "Pepper never told me. I totally forgot all about it."

Banner shook his head slowly. "We need to turn Clint back soon, I don't think he's going to survive as a hawk in your care."

"What about your care?" Tony shot back irritably.

The doctor shrugged. "I had a dog once." The tone Bruce used told Tony the dog's fate hadn't been pleasant. "In my defense I told it not to run out into the street."

"We need to turn him back." The billionaire agreed after a short pause. "Go get the cage."

As it turned out Clint's love for small places only applied to the air vents. The bird struggled and cried as Tony shoved it into the cage. Tony's heart actually broke for the creature.

"It's the best place for him." Banner offered Stark condolence as they locked the cage's door shut.

It was a rather girly looking cage, more decorative than anything else. The poor hawk barely had room to move, yet it still banged it's battered body against the small bars in desperation as he continually tried to obtain freedom.

The two scientists stared down at their feathered friend for a moment longer before moving to the lab. Tony set the cage down on the counter next to his workspace and contemplatively stared at the hawk.

Clint's black eyes stared back at the scientist, suddenly eerily still and quiet.

"Bruce, how the hell are we going to fix this?" Tony asked finally. "I mean, he's a freaking hawk. That's not natural."

"Obviously." Banner deadpanned, then deflated with a sigh. They studied their teammate in his cage. At least the hawk had stopped throwing itself against the bars. Probably tired and in pain judging by the way he shook and trembled.

"Could be pent up rage though," Tony muttered to himself after his observations.

"Huh?" Bruce raised an eyebrow at the billionaire.

"Nothing." Stark rubbed a hand over his face. "My brain's dead."

The two fell silent again, unsure of how to move forward. Finally Bruce sighed. "Let's draw some blood, maybe we'll find something."

"Like what? Green cells of gamma radiation?" Tony mocked. "Blue cells of magic?"

"I was thinking something more on the lines of strange compounds that could be broken down and reversed. Really, anything we can find to change him back would be helpful. Don't you think?"

Tony sighed. "Yes."

"Good." Banner grunted moving over to grab an empty syringe. "Here." The doctor said, trying to hand the syringe to Tony.

"Oh hell no, I had to go into the vent. You draw it's blood!" Tony said, stepping back with his hands up in defense.

Banner's eyes narrowed, but he signed. "Fine." It was fair enough, at least now the Hawk was stuffed in a cage. Still, Bruce cringed as he neared the creature, he didn't want to hurt the little thing any more than it was.

"What are you guys doing?" Clint's voice asked suddenly. Both Bruce and Tony's heads snapped from the caged bird to each other. Simultaneously the duo looked from each other back to the hawk.

"You heard that too?" Tony asked, voice astonished. Bruce nodded mutely.

"Uh, guys?" Clint's voice sounded again, the hawk's head tipped as the question was presented.

"How long have you been able to talk?" Tony asked through the bars of the cage, eyes focused directly on the hawk.

"Since I was a kid, should I be concerned that you two are talking to a bird?" Clint asked mockingly.

Tony turned and blinked, his eyes seeing but his mind hardly excepting that Clint was leaning against the door of the lab. Whole and completely human. "What? But you – " Tony sputtered, hand pointing towards the caged bird. "You, and then we were going to fix you?"

"When was the last time you two slept?" Barton questioned worriedly, moving closer to get a better look at the captive animal.

Bruce was just staring, jaw hanging open at Clint.

"Bruce? You alright?" Barton asked, his concern spiking up a notch.

Blinking Banner nodded. "Sleep, actually sounds really good right about now."

Tony was still in denial, "But Jarvis said you weren't in the tower!"

"I left. I had to go into SHIELD for a while, I didn't think it would take very long so I didn't tell you guys." Clint raised an eyebrow as he watched the billionaire deflate.

"Well, I feel stupid." Tony sighed, collapsing into a nearby stool.

"Um, so what do we do with him?" Bruce asked suddenly, pointing at the bird, who was currently staring at Clint.

"First, you should probably let the poor thing out of the cage." Clint said, moving forward to open the cage door.

"Clint, no!" Bruce and Tony yelled at the same time, but it was too late. The cage door was open and the demon hawk was now free. It didn't, however, attack. Instead it just hopped on Clint's offered wrist and glared at the two scientists.

"Oh," Tony's expression changed to one of pure exasperation. "Of course it likes birdbrain."

The little hawk hissed at the billionaire, causing Clint to chuckle lightly. "You two should get some sleep." He shook his head, "and Tony, Bruce should really take look at your face. It looks like you got in a fight with something sharp and lost."

"Laugh it up, Feathers, but that bird is pure evil. He'll get you when you least expect it." Tony warned. "Come on Bruce, I think we deserve the rest of the day off."

Banner nodded, giving the hawk a weary look before he suddenly brightened. "Hey Tony, you know what this means, right?"

"That the hawk is Clint's problem now? Yeah."

"No," Bruce grinned evilly. "I win the bet, you owe me ten dollars."

A loud groan left the billionaire's lips and without another word he left the labs.

* * *

_Hope you enjoyed ^^ _


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